Last Ounce of Sanity

The police sirens were heard by all. Everyone in the classroom froze. Breathes were held and most movement was stilled. The sirens approached the school, but then slowly faded away. Every breathe that was held was finally blown out and people began to relax again. I looked down at my shaking hand. I crunched it into a fist, trying to still it. My breathes shortened and it almost seemed the walls were closing in on me. I started to panic. Grabbing my books, I bolted from the classroom. I saw a door straight ahead and my pace quickened.

My hands shot out and I shoved open the door. Cool air hit my face and I gulped it down. I gasped and forced the memories back that had suddenly attacked me full force. I couldn’t allow myself to re-live it. Not when I was just starting to get over it. No matter what, however, they would not leave. The screams echoed through my mind. The exact intense pain I had felt, exploded in my stomach once more. Tears of sorrow and frustration filled my eyes. His face flashed in my psyche, followed quite closely by my blood stained hands.

I squeezed my eyes shut, begging with my last ounce of sanity for the memories to disappear. The face of the killer taunted me once more.

Suddenly I screamed as a hand fell on my shoulder. I spun around, half expecting the police, the other half expecting me to be dead now.

My eyes fluttered open and I found my loving boyfriend standing before me. His face was laced with worry.

A single cry escaped my throat and I threw myself in his arms. I buried my head in his chest, my arms squeezing his waist tightly. I never wanted to let go.

His right cheek rested on the top of my head and one arm draped around my neck as the other one held me around my back.

He crooned to me, whispering me promises of how everything will be alright. Tears ran freely down my face, dampening his shirt slightly.

My memories finally took me over, leaving me with no control at all.

***

I stood in the hallway, lockers surrounding me on either side. Before me stood my brother. His head turned so he faced me. His smile widened at my sight. Quickly he walked over and draped his arm across my neck. Most girls were swayed by the natural good looks. But I was his sister, I knew better.

We walked back to his group where I was welcomed with smiles and actual greetings.

Suddenly a door swung and a seventeen year old boy named Robert walked through.

My brother’s eyes narrowed dangerously. Robert glared back.

“Get out of my school!” My brother said with force to his words.

“Why William, I would have thought you’d be happy to see me.”

William didn’t respond right away.

“You know you are not permitted here. You were stripped of your rank and thrown out!” He finally said.

“There are better things that being a part of your gang.”

I gasped and took a step back. My brother certainly did not own a gang, I wanted to yell.

“Like?”

Robert reached into his trench coat that he wore and pulled out a gun.

“Like owning yours.”

I practically jumped ten feet when I saw the smooth metal and tiny trigger covered by a big finger and the wood at the butt end.

Forcing my feet to move, I ran in-between the two boys. William’s eyes flew to me.

“Angela, get out of the way!”

I turned to Robert. I had known this kid since I was five. His eyes locked with mine.

“Angela, you don’t want to be in the middle of this!” Robert said.

I inched closer to him.

“Give me the gun, Robert.” I said.

Doubt flashed in his eyes. I felt William start to walk. Robert straightened his arm, and applied some pressure to the trigger.

“Stop!” he yelled.

William’s arm shot out, and grabbed me, pushing me behind him.

“You know I really am sick of your hero shit!”

More pressure applied to the trigger. I needed to do something, I knew I did.

Quietly I stepped to the side and walked around Will. Robert’s eyes danced with anger.

“Angela!” William yelled.

I saw Robert’s eyes harden, and his stance shift.

“No!” William yelled. A blur of movement flashed beside me. He ran in front of me. People all around screamed as a gun shot ran off in the hallway, echoing throughout it.

The force knocked William straight into my arms. I struggled to hold him, so I slowly, with shaking legs, lowered him to the ground.

I stared into his pale face and quickly covered his wound with my hands applying some pressure. People stood above us, not moving or helping.

“Please, someone go get help, please!” I begged.

William’s eyes caught mine and would not let go. His mouth moved but no sound escaped. I gave a sniffle.

“Don’t talk,” I said, “You’ll be alright.”

“…Love…you…” he choked out.

Blood filled his mouth and he began to gag on it.

I heard sirens fast approaching. A police station was merely a block away.

“Oh god!” I yelled.

His body started to convulse in my arms.

“You’ll be alright.” I repeated to him, trying to convince myself more than him.

A single tear rolled off my face onto his cheek.

His breathing became shallow and ragged. He began to gasp for air which the blood blocked. But I couldn’t turn him over, or else he would bleed to death from his chest wound. I didn’t know what to do. He choked on the blood then. People started to circle around us and watch intently.

His tears ran down his cheeks and he still stared into my eyes. I started to cry then too. I gave another sniffle, while hiccupping.

“I love you too! But you are gonna be alright. You’ll get through this and we’ll go home.” I said loudly and he forcefully nodded his head.

Suddenly his breathing stopped and his eyes glazed over, still staring into mine. I began to cry hysterically, hearing people gasp.

I pulled my hands off his abrasion and began to shake him roughly.

“Wake up!” I yelled. His head tolled to the side, staring at nothingness.

“Oh god! Don’t leave me! You can’t die! Not for me!” I yelled, looking at the people’s faces finally, silently begging for someone to do something.

The police ran in the building with a few paramedics.

In final desperation as the pain within built to a dangerous level, I threw myself on William’s deceased body and cried with my arms over my head.

A police officer touched my back, muttering something about coming away with him.

I raised my head slowly, tears quickly swaying down my cheeks, and I saw tears in his eyes.

“Not for me!” I yelled again.

He pulled me away from the body and asked everyone to stay away, not to touch anything. All I could say was ‘not for me’, while shaking pitifully in the officer’s arms.

Finally he passed me off to my boyfriend, David, for comfort. I stared into his face and saw the ultimate understanding there. It made me shake more and cry even harder.

***

I was still standing with David’s arms around me.

“You know it was not your fault. And everything will someday be alright.”

I nodded my head slowly. It didn’t matter what he said, I would always feel guilty for my brother’s death. It was my fault, no matter what anyone said. I had stepped in the middle, when I could have gone for help instead. Then maybe William would still be alive. Maybe. I had to live everyday with this pain and the accusations in my parent’s eyes that their first born was murdered by family.

Unexpectedly I heard David take in a sudden breathe and I felt his body stiffen dramatically. I looked up seeing his eyes interlocked with something behind me. I was afraid to turn around.

“David?” I called his name.

“Please no,” he begged loudly, “Don’t take her away from me!” He yelled. Quickly I backed away as his protective instincts kicked in.

He stared at me and I realized then that Robert was behind me.

“Gun?” I mouthed to him, and the sorrow in his eyes confirmed that for me.

I felt a presence behind me, with the gun to my back.

“I am sorry Angela, but I cannot allow you to testify against me. They will put me in jail.”

I spun on my heel to face Robert fully. I took a step back into David’s chest.

“But no matter what they will assume that it was you.”

“I am sorry.” He muttered again.

I grabbed David’s hand and squeezed it tightly. Suddenly I took a huge step towards Robert and wrapped my hands around the gun. He held it too firmly for me to pull it away.

“No!” David yelled. I had to protect him. He would not die.

“Don’t do this Robert! Think of what will happen. You can claim temporary insanity for shooting my brother, but shooting me? That is planned and you will automatically go to jail!”

His stance stiffened once more, and he took in a deep breathe.

“No!” David yelled once more. Suddenly he rushed at us both. I could see it in Robert’s eyes and I could feel it.

A gun shot rang out through the court yard. I was thrown back into David’s arms and he easily caught me.

“Shit!” He whispered.

He stood me up, thinking I had just been thrown, and I wasn’t hit, but almost immediately I fell to my knees, blood pouring from my chest.

It was on fire, my chest. I felt as though it was going to consume me. The pain radiated throughout my body, throbbing at my fingertips and toes. I took in several deep breathes feeling the horror of it all now. I was in a complete daze, not knowing where David was, or what was going on.

Another shot exploded and echoed through my mind. But I didn’t know what happened. David rushed forward to me. I turned on my knees slowly seeing Robert face down in a pool of his blood. I fell to my back on the crimson tinged grass that once used to be a lush green.

His face appeared over me. Tears escaped his eyes.

“Oh my god. Angela?” He called my name. It echoed through my mind, but it did not register.

Our eyes locked, just as William’s and mine had done.

I felt David’s hands on my wound, covering it, exactly like I had done. Everything was too much the same.

“I love you!” He said to me softly, and somehow I managed to nod and understand through the intense pain. Teachers had heard the shots and ran out to help. I heard the sirens for the last time in the distance.

Everything suddenly started to darken around me. My breathes came in short gasps and I struggled to breath.

Finally a light surrounded me. William came into view, smiling as he approached me, with his hand extended.

I grabbed onto it then, feeling his heat radiate off mine. I smiled to him, finally knowing happiness. I felt myself stop breathing and I knew I was dead.

I stared in William’s eyes feeling some pain.

A face of a handsome boy flashed through my mind.

“I love you!” This echoed throughout as well.

I turned seeing my body placed on a stretcher, and there was that boy whose face I saw. I could not remember his name, but tears streamed down his face and he seemed familiar. Memories came to me, of his arms around me when I cried for William, and holding me as I died.

My boyfriend, I realized, still unable to remember his name.

William gave a tug of my hand, pulling me towards the bright light. But I stopped. I stared at the strangers face passionately. I knew him, I loved him.

I released my hand from William. He looked at me, in pain.

Finally I turned my back on him and walked towards David. His name seemed to flash in my mind. I smiled brightly then.

Suddenly I gasped for air, struggling within the ambulance.

A face leaned over asking me to calm down.

David then leaned over and both laughed and cried hysterically.

“I love you too.” I forced out.

The end!